Sunday, September 18, 2005
i thought i can pull through.
the world thought i had it all.
but no.
im wrong.
to survive until now.
i have tried the best i know how.
really.
the way im in now.
is just empty.
last night.
i just cry out.
asking why.
i dont know.
i dont know what im doing.
why am i here.
problems after problems.
wad can i do.
i cry out to God.
the smile.
i guess.
is already wiped off from my face.
dont bring me to heaven;
if u intend to push me back to hell.
you are free to go.
afterall.
im now a girl.
with attitude.
problems everywhere.
i have closed my eyes.
BANGBANG
Sunday, September 11, 2005
back. (:
september holidays.
nothing much.
tuitions.
homework.
went for church stuff.
yeah. it rawk.
cleo and vicki were great!
not forget all the drama people. (:
sheng hong so funny siah.
shake leg until so shuang liddat.
LOL. PAPA. =D
cheryl funny siah! lols!
JULETTE.
let me tell u all lA
waves hand in the air*
LOL.
laugh till peng.
=D.
its funny and touching.
sch of superstar.
great job (:
chi feng looks like junyang.
sarah agrees with me =D
haas. shows my eyes got nth wrong. =D
lols. the drama really v gao xiao.
dey left nadia and her cousin at mrt.
lucky i was there.
lols.
cos we go buy standard tickets ma.
lols.
=D
oh yah.
me and vicki.
paisehh ah vicki.
i hit her teeth.
accidentally la.
in the bus ma.
she got braces.
den the braces cut me.
LOL?
but of cos its my fault la.
we two oso v gao xiao.
kip asking each other.
are u ok.
sure anot.
confirm ah.
=D
time flies.
when i hear the graduation song.
i cry.
lols.
maybe my tears are too much.
(:
it is now left unsaid. undone.
who cares. shrugs.
i care.
but do you.
i dont know.
i can never figure that out either.
i feel i have done my best.
i remember ms song says.
cannot assume that is a square..blahh..
ASSUME.
when assumptions are always made.
but COME ON.
i know where i stand.
dream is over.
WAKE UP shirley.
i always wish.
what i see.
is not the truth.
but i know.
there is no use.
lying to myself.
a million tears cant change a fact.
to you.
im nothing at all.
you turn your back.
left.
and never came back.
does this matter.
guess u wont see this anyway.
u have no time for this nonsense.
(:
haha.
im laughing at my life.
how much it turns.
at the wrong time.
at the wrong end.
ride back to reality.
its over.
erased.
no matter how much i think.
the situation wont change.
no matter how much i tear.
the fact cant be changed.
changes made.
i feel im replaced.
wad a laugh out loud.
im nothing.
there is nothing to replace nothing. (:
but its still.
as long as YOU are happy.
its okay with me.
everything is worth it.
happy jiu hao. (:
HAH.
BANGBANG
Sunday, September 04, 2005
yep.
today.
went to church.
hmms.
not bad ba (:
saw kah kian.
haas.
pastor tan preaches well. =D
he makes me think through.
(:
thanks TWINNIE SHIRLEY (:
haas.
my lovely twinnie.
by the name of shirley.
but im shirley.C
she is shirley.K
lols.
she is a indonesian. (:
but look like chinese kay.
and she is very friendly.
and of course.
i love my twinnie to bits (:
i missed her so much.
ever since she went back indonesia.
haas.
she remembered my BURFDAE (:
hmms. she bought me something.
so nice of her can =D
she bought me clothes. LOL.
that ive never tried wearing before.
(:
i will try and wear it SOMEDAY (:
its green lehs. I LOVE GREEN =D
twinnie; lets go town one day okay! (:
tml have ELDDS and phy.
z. i duno phy wkbk got any mistakes ma.
later tio scolding.
ahh.
hais.
i have sore throat la.
lols.
cannot talk again.
everytime oso liddat.
HUR.
lols.
ronald T.
you still angry with me arhs.
=x
really sorry lehs.
z. im really sorry.
i mean it (:
im never coming in between anymore.
NEVER. EVER.
i am going to leave.
and to avoid.
=D
WEE (:
im a HAPPY kid.
(:
my mom scared me.
by putting a penknife near my neck.
wow.
i told her.
haiya. u wan kill me.
jus silt my wrist.
den she take my wrist.
and im not scared (:
im NOT scared at all.
im used to it la.
leng leng (:
WEE O WEE.
haas.
im a HAPPY kid.
SEASONS by ayumi hamasaki is nice.
(:
HAPPY.
YAY.
think ive managed to walk away.
once and for all (:
HAHA. YAY.
WAKE UP-
BANGBANG
Saturday, September 03, 2005
devastation;
why doesnt one cherish their loved ones.
until the day they are gone from your sight.
im sorry ronald.T.
i didnt mean to.
i guess you are really in a bad mood.
im. really sorry..
...
how she entered your life.
how she gave you best memories.
how hurt you are during the months.
because of a dispute.
how i see from the start till the end.
yeah.
i feel inferior.
i have no confidence.
i have low self-esteem.
i think too much.
as you thought so.
or others think so.
its not trust.
its how the thing seems.
she definitely rocks your life.
i totally agree.
what i gave.
is nothing much.
i just wan to say here.
i have no intentions of coming in between.
no intentions.
i will return whats yours.
and leave it behind.
because. its yours.
not mine.
yeah.
no one can belong to anyone.
not belong as in.
the meaning of belong.
but. yeah u know.
im a irritance.
a disturbance.
i dont always think like that.
but its how i see.
and feel.
true.
i am sensitive.
but thats where.
i know when to leave.
when im not needed.
guess being sensitive.
is also good sometimes.
i just feel like closing my eyes.
taking a long break.
its time to get away.
to isolate and think through.
its time to close my eyes.
let the memories run.
let them replay.
and then.
erase them.
let the tears flow.
like how water does.
sorry if anyone cant understand.
cause.
i jus have an urge to type out how i feel.
seriously.
im dropping hair.
OMG?
sister twinnie!
ms hafidah (:
same burfdae.
but diff timezone.
lols (:
same burfdae has same characteristic.
we know we know (:
mr lee.
takkaire yah! (:
hais.
devastation takes me to nowhere.
except to a hole.
where i know.
i cant see whats ahead.
(:
let them be erased.
moodswings.
WHAM.
BANG-
BANGBANG
Thursday, September 01, 2005
have not been blogging for days.
yep.
290805.
nothing much.
work.
rehearsals.
300805.
busy day.
a maths common test.
oh well.
jus tell me i failed it.
rehearsal.
went to jp bought stuff for council.
something unexpected happened.
which.
i dont know why.
but thanks to my junior.
yep. (:
called xinni.
saw her blog.
wish to say sorry to her.
trouble her the last min.
yep.
after making calls to isabel and mr lee.
went off to make the cards.
but i guess.
im really tired.
did one.
and just slept.
310805.
the big day.
went to sc rm.
did the cards.
with the help of.
isabel.
feez.
kim choo.
thanks (:
signed smth for mr lee.
went down to assembly.
had a meeting.
busybusybusy.
went back sc rm.
syafiqah called for me.
realised i haven dressed up.
went dance studio.
dressed and make up.
of cos.
i look terrible.
(:
watched the concert in the canteen.
until it was my group's turn.
did my best.
went down.
rushed to meet xinni.
change again.
did the guess the teachers.
overall.
it was kind of funny (:
giving out of apples.
finale.
since the day ive been made exco.
i tried hard in whatever i do.
for the teachers' day.
im happy its a success.
to think.
i play a part in it.
coordinating.
everything was such a mess back then.
I thought it was almost impossible.
to have a good teachers' day.
but im really glad.
the teachers' day was a success.
a big thank you to everyone.
who have made it a success.
all sc.
its been tiring and all.
but i guess.
the sense of sastifaction and joy.
we all know (:
i enjoy working with all of you.
time flies.
its going to be end of year.
and yeah.
i can only be an exco for one year.
i treasure.
feel like giving up at times.
but you all were there.
sc is like my family.
a group of friends.
and mr lee.
who was there for me all the time.
i dont know whether im still in next year.
all i feel like saying to all of you.
esp sc who happen to come by my blog.
i want to say.
i love all of you.
i love this family.
im glad im in.
and im grateful.
the wonderful gifts God has given me.
which is.
all of you (:
the excos.
we have quarrels and all.
but.
thinking hard.
i know.
i will never forget.
the times we work together.
the times we had fun together.
the time back when we had the intensive.
where u all gave me encouragement.
mr lee.
need i say more.
the best gift i have been given.
the best teacher.
he's like my father.
the one i can talk to.
anything under the sun.
happy teachers' day to you (:
thank you mdm lye too.
for bringing me through.
we know (:
thank you:
ms chiang
ms dalina
ms foo
ms kwek
mdm jin
mr ting
mr chua
i can never thank you enough.
but thank you for the guidance.
thanks a milllion.
thanks a billion.
thanks a godzillion. (:
I >3 HYSC
I >3 EVERYONE
(:
if anyone noticed.
im not myself.
honest.
i smile it fakely.
so fake.
so fake.
whats gone cannot come back.
i have lost.
i admit defeat.
i tread upon the lonely road.
i wish to replay.
to rewind.
but time flies.
it flies.
in the world of fantasy.
where i thought.
everything is going smooth.
but.
have you ever loved and lost somebody.
it fades;
and slips away;
what am i in your eyes.
who am i to you.
do i mean something.
or rather. nothing.
everything jus changes.
how fast the changes are.
we cant stop them.
a temporary will always be a temporary.
no matter how hard i try.
no matter how hard i climb.
in the end.
im just a tool to be fooled.
BANG ME-
so yesterday.
you turn without looking back.
left.
and never came back.
everything went wrong.
i caused it.
i lost. i gained back.
i lost again.
and never came back the same.
erase the world of fantasy.
what a joke i had.
im a nobody.
let me ride back to reality.
WAKE UP.
here i am, once again
im caught into pieces.
cant deny it, cant pretend.
i thought YOU were the one.
broken up; deep inside.
you wont get to see the tears i cry.
HAVE YOU EVER;
Sometimes it's wrong to walk away
Though you think it's over
Knowing there's so much more to say
Suddenly the moment's gone
And all your dreams are upside down
And you just want to change the way the world goes round
Tell me
Have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see That's the way I feel about you and me Baby have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Looking down the road you should be taking I should know 'Cos I loved and lost the day I let (you go)
everything was just a excuse i gave myself.
it seems like.
im happy.
at the expense of others' happiness.
and no.
i dont want.
they deserve the smiles.
i dont.
reality.
DEVASTATION;
where my world begins.
BANGBANG
